I've been debating for awhile now on whether or not to begin this blog. I've always enjoyed writing, but it's always been more personal for me, as a way to express the things I have a hard time expressing, in particular, my "past life" (as I call it), and how I came to be who I am today. The subject is always a little bit taboo, or at least I've made it that way. I never want to be seen as a victim, and I abhor that sympathetic look people give me, so I keep that time in my life from becoming the topic at dinner parties. I do however, long for others to understand me, as all humans do. I'm hoping that sharing my story will be therapeutic and that I might even be able to help someone else along the way. This blog will remain private until I feel comfortable sharing it with the world, which may never happen. Because there is a chance I may open it up to the public, names have been changed.
Here goes nothing.
There's an elephant in the room, and although he's not as large as he used to be, he's still there. I'm going to name him Eugene, mostly because I enjoy naming things. Eugene is something I carry around with me, and some days he's bigger and heavier than others. I'm hoping that through this process, you all can get to know Eugene and he won't seem so out of place. In case you haven't caught on yet, Eugene represents my divorce. Ugh, it's really hard to type that word. I still hate that word and I'm pretty sure it will never sit right with me. But that fact is, it's there and it's part of who I am.
Here goes nothing.
There's an elephant in the room, and although he's not as large as he used to be, he's still there. I'm going to name him Eugene, mostly because I enjoy naming things. Eugene is something I carry around with me, and some days he's bigger and heavier than others. I'm hoping that through this process, you all can get to know Eugene and he won't seem so out of place. In case you haven't caught on yet, Eugene represents my divorce. Ugh, it's really hard to type that word. I still hate that word and I'm pretty sure it will never sit right with me. But that fact is, it's there and it's part of who I am.
Bansky - Elephant in the Room
At first, Eugene seemed gargantuan, unmanageable and uncomfortable. I really felt like I was walking around with an elephant following close by everywhere I went. The grocery store, the mall, out to dinner, Eugene was right there beside me for the whole world to see. This was especially difficult when I would reconnect with someone whom I hadn't seen in a few years. Considering I shut myself off from the world for so long, this happened quite often at first and there were a lot of awkward silences. Add my new love interest (now my wonderful husband) to the mix, and people begin to look at you with a very puzzled expression. No one acknowledges Eugene, because asking would just be rude, but everyone wonders. Sometimes I wish people would ask instead of drawing their own conclusions. Even though it's 2011 and over half of all marriages end in divorce, it's still seen as a character flaw. Deep down I know when people hear about it, they automatically weave their own portrait of what went wrong, and they see me differently. I'm here to tell you that not everything is as it seems.
So, join me on this journey if you dare. Or don't. I'm really not vain enough to think that the whole world cares about my one single experience, but for those who do, I welcome you. When it comes down to it, I'm doing this for myself, and I really do hope someone else can benefit in the process.
