Tuesday, May 31, 2011

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

title quote: Anais Nin

Hello Friends, it's been awhile. This journey is not an easy one for me. I have to reveal parts of it in small doses, so as not to become sucked back into the dark abyss. I'm afraid if I dwell for too long on the subject, it will come between my husband and I, and that's something I'm not willing to let happen. But at the same time, this process is very healing for me and exploring it only serves to make me stronger, and in turn, makes our marriage that much stronger.

A few weeks ago at church, the preacher said something that really resonated with me. He said that we all have sins and that stuffing them down only eats away at us, and if we're willing to open ourselves up, we'll find that everyone is struggling with the same things. I see my past in that way, and through opening up about it, I have found that a lot of people have experienced, or are experiencing some of the same hurts I have, just on a different scale. We, as humans, tend to put on a smile and act as though we have it all together. In reality, we all have the same weaknesses and have all experienced the same disappointments, just in different ways.

I told myself when my nightmare was over, that I would make sure it was worth every tear, every hurt and every sleepless night. I would not allow it to turn into a wasted experience and I would not lose all those years for nothing. I would do whatever it took to make sure I helped others who may be experiencing the same situation. I wasn't sure how I would do it, or when or where, but I made a promise to God and to myself that I would be available to listen, counsel or just hug whenever the opportunity presented itself. I may not be a professional, and I may not have all the "right" answers, but I can offer hope and a shoulder to lean on. It's funny how God holds you to your promises. He's given me multiple opportunities to share my story, whether it be with someone who's marriage is falling apart, or just someone who is at a crossroads and is confused. I don't claim to be a relationship expert, but I do feel, through my own journey, that I'm able to see things from a different perspective...experience is invaluable education.

So for those of you out there who are struggling, those who are hurting and those who don't know which way is up anymore, know that peace will come if you seek it. Know that there is life outside the chaos. I encourage you to share your hurts with others. You may be surprised what you find out about yourself and those around you. Your happily ever after may turn out completely different from mine, but it does exist, and it starts with you.

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