"this kind of love is what I dreamed about...it fills me up...it leaves no doubt"

title quote: This Kind of Love by Sister Hazel

Today I want to write about my amazing husband Jason. I realize I've barely touched on my "previous life," but I think it's important for me to share the wonderful things that have happened in my life as well. So, where do I begin.... How about I start with why I love him.

I mean, come on...the guy loves cats...

And he dresses stuffed animals in little girl shoes. What's not to love?

Ok, seriously though. I'm a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful, supportive and PATIENT husband. He really does embody the ideal qualities every man should possess. Loyalty, encouragement, honor, respect, masculinity, hard-working, compassionate...I could go on but I'm sure most of you are gagging at this point, so I will stop. 

There comes a point in your life when you realize the "nice" guy is what you deserve. Maybe it's called growing up, or maybe it comes with being burned one too many times, but once you figure out how to spot the bad guys, it's relatively easy to avoid them.

Before I met Jason, I was keeping a journal. I had to have a place to keep all the thoughts and feelings I was having and needed a way to keep myself sane. Here's part of an entry I wrote shortly before we met:

            I have a deep, raw desire to love and be loved. I want to believe I'm worthwhile, and I want someone else who believes it also. I know that love can be different. I know that love will be better than ever before, as long as I let it be, and I insist on it. I don't think love has to hurt as much as it did in the past. I don't think I have to allow love to hurt me as much as it has. I honestly don't believe it is God's will for me to be miserable. I want love, but I don't want destructive love. I want and deserve a balanced love. I need to slow down and take time to love in a way that won't hurt me. I will love from my strengths and not my weaknesses. I want someone who I will enjoy loving and who will enjoy loving me. Some one who will challenge and inspire me, and will adore me for who I truly am. Everything I have endured has only prepared and propelled me to this very moment. I will make a conscious effort to take life slowly and not force love. God has a plan for me, and when He and only He is ready, it will be revealed. I can't worry about when I will find love again, or with whom. So I will simply live my live each day, doing what makes me happy, and maybe one day, when I look up, love will just be there, patiently waiting.

And there he was...the love of my life, just waiting. Now, I know that love isn't a fairytale, but ours is as close to a real life fairytale as you can get. He is the most loving and affectionate man I know, and he does it without being sappy. He's still a man's man. Right now he's drinking whiskey out of a mason jar, and that's why I love him. He loves children and animals, and his chosen path in life is to help the afflicted, the sick and the needy. He serves his community in a way that would make most people cringe, but he's still a man. He's an athlete, he's strong, he likes guns and he loves to get dirty. He really is perfect...for me at least.

The moral of all that sentimentality, is this: there is life after suffering and you can find happiness. I, for one, never expected it to happen, but it did. I am so very blessed.